#....?

Writing on this blog is like exercise. If I don't keep at it, I forget that it's necessary and healthy and must be a regular part of my life.

It's been a while since I wrote. Or exercised, for that matter.

Life has been pleasant. There have been problems, glitches, speed-breakers, etc., but overall, it has been pleasant enough for me to feel grateful. I love that I have these friends and this family, and that I live in this city. It's more than I could ask for.

I don't know how I would survive without my loved ones. I don't mean to say that I have this tragic life and they're the only ones keeping me afloat. It's just that they give me so much joy and love and happiness and color - such bright color! - that I cannot imagine my life without them. I refuse to imagine my life without them.

I think I live too much in the moment, though. I don't seem to ever think ahead. And I don't mean 'let's plot out the weekend' kind of planning. I mean, 'Do I want to do this for the rest of my life' kind of planning. I've been thinking of the effects of my actions (my inaction, rather), and how I need to get out of comfort zones and soft corners where things seem just so dandy.....not.

Time to shake off the cobwebs. It's never too late.

Don't be surprised if I ask for help. I know I'll get it from you guys. :)

Forgiveness

I've realized that it's not anger, or bitterness, or hatred or frustration in me. It's just regret, and guilt. And the lack of a will to forgive.

To forgive every circumstance that lead me to this, forgive every little contribution to this state of being. To forgive the universe for getting me into this despite all of the faith I put into it.

To forgive myself for getting into this.

To forgive all the bad and remember only the good, because otherwise this little heart will turn black.

Catching up

Did I say I have no life? I'm sorry, I obviously wasn't thinking clearly. Just 8 months and it's been a roller coaster.

If you're reading this, you better come take stock of things and chill with me next weekend. :)

:-(

My favorite cousins just left after a mad four day weekend visit.

I'm too sad to write some emotional, poignant post.