My burnt out mind is screaming for a break. Some sort of outlet for all the repressed energy... No, all the forgotten energy. Everything I've forgotten I was capable of. Everything I've forgotten I wanted to achieve, accomplish, tick off my list of Things To Do.
Life's a bitch. Well, sometimes. You set out with hope and excitement and enthusiasm. Don't get me wrong, I still have all those things. But now, it's punctuated more often than I like to admit with healthy doses of frustration, helplessness and, frequently, just plain old exhaustion.
I'm a little tired of working 14 hour days. I wish I was paid more. Actually, I wish I could use my own hard-earned money on myself more.
As I typed that out I heard how selfish I sounded. But, hey, I think I've earned the right to be a little self-centered.
Oh, don't worry. The guilt will follow. Inevitably. Heh.
I'm a little tired of wishing I could do this and wishing I could do that. I want a holiday. The last one I had was the weekend in Coorg. So much fun! When was that? I don't remember.
I'm a little tired of wishing I had plans, activities, something besides work to keep myself occupied. But that's my own fault. I should make more of an effort to have a life outside work. I think I'm just too lazy to try harder.
Maybe that's why I'm going at this again. Just trying to give my thoughts a voice. I silence them frequently these days, almost unconsciously. Why do I do that? Is it because it's more convenient, because it's easier to not have to deal with them?
My soul is now officially fat. And I'm not comfortable with that. So I'm going to try and do something about it, try and stretch it out and loosen the hinges a little. Now, before I go back to status quo.
Let's see if this works.
Life's a bitch. Well, sometimes. You set out with hope and excitement and enthusiasm. Don't get me wrong, I still have all those things. But now, it's punctuated more often than I like to admit with healthy doses of frustration, helplessness and, frequently, just plain old exhaustion.
I'm a little tired of working 14 hour days. I wish I was paid more. Actually, I wish I could use my own hard-earned money on myself more.
As I typed that out I heard how selfish I sounded. But, hey, I think I've earned the right to be a little self-centered.
Oh, don't worry. The guilt will follow. Inevitably. Heh.
I'm a little tired of wishing I could do this and wishing I could do that. I want a holiday. The last one I had was the weekend in Coorg. So much fun! When was that? I don't remember.
I'm a little tired of wishing I had plans, activities, something besides work to keep myself occupied. But that's my own fault. I should make more of an effort to have a life outside work. I think I'm just too lazy to try harder.
Maybe that's why I'm going at this again. Just trying to give my thoughts a voice. I silence them frequently these days, almost unconsciously. Why do I do that? Is it because it's more convenient, because it's easier to not have to deal with them?
My soul is now officially fat. And I'm not comfortable with that. So I'm going to try and do something about it, try and stretch it out and loosen the hinges a little. Now, before I go back to status quo.
Let's see if this works.
