Let me tell you a little bit about what it's like sometimes to share a family tree with a few of my extended relatives.
I am Malayalee. I am also Muslim, by birth and by inheritance, but not by choice. By conscious choice, I am pagan. But that's unimportant.
A relative visited today. I won't even try to explain how we're related; it's beyond me. I do know, though, that he cannot be more than 45 years old and that he has two young children. The older, a girl, is six.
Today, I am 26 years, one month and one day old. I am also unmarried. Now, this is unacceptable. Not only do I have the gall to remain unmarried and thus childless, but I also dare to work and earn my own living. Financial independence, the most dangerous thing you can give to a "young girl my age."
At lunch, said Concerned Relative asked about my future, rather worried about me continuing to live my life freely and without confinement, like free range cattle. This obviously stemmed from looking at me come back home in the morning after staying over at a friend's place the previous night. "Are you searching for a potential husband, now that your older one is married and taken care of? No? She wants to wait for a few more years? That's fine and everything, but if you wait too long, it will be too late to have children."
The entire conversation was taking place right in front of me, as if I was simply furniture in the background. This self-righteous, presumptuous preacher of an uncle insisted that I not only get married, but that I do it soon because if not, it will be too late to have children. "She is 26 already!"
And he hopes that one of the receptions for my wedding (because there will have to be at least two, of course) will be held in Kerala so that his family, and many of our other relatives, will be able to attend.
It was crystal clear that he had absolutely no concern for what I wanted from my life. It's of no concern to him that I have always refused to agree to an arranged marriage. That I don't care about getting married "late in life" because I don't want to have kids anyway. And most importantly, that I fully intend to stay on this track for as long as I feel this way. No, he simply went on about "today's generation" and how they must learn quickly... or else.
I was obviously quite irritated, and only a little amused. But my mother's presence reminded me of my alleged obligation to treat him with at least respect, if nothing else.
For a few minutes, I seethed as I listened to him chew Ma's ear off. He wasn't talking to me, of course. I didn't need to be spoken to, since this decision about my own future wasn't mine to be made. In the minutes I took to put away the dishes and clear the table, I calmed down. I decided I would blog about this to document the experience. And then, once this post was done, I would move on to other things more worthy of my time during a precious weekend.
Which is exactly what I did. First, a long, luxurious bath. Then a little music, followed by sleep. See, unfortunately, as is typical of my dangerously independent ways, I had had a lot of fun last night with a big gang of friends. It involved quite a bit of alcohol and and not enough sleep. So I slept. And didn't think about anything else, too busy living a happy life to be concerned about others' concerns.
I am Malayalee. I am also Muslim, by birth and by inheritance, but not by choice. By conscious choice, I am pagan. But that's unimportant.
A relative visited today. I won't even try to explain how we're related; it's beyond me. I do know, though, that he cannot be more than 45 years old and that he has two young children. The older, a girl, is six.
Today, I am 26 years, one month and one day old. I am also unmarried. Now, this is unacceptable. Not only do I have the gall to remain unmarried and thus childless, but I also dare to work and earn my own living. Financial independence, the most dangerous thing you can give to a "young girl my age."
At lunch, said Concerned Relative asked about my future, rather worried about me continuing to live my life freely and without confinement, like free range cattle. This obviously stemmed from looking at me come back home in the morning after staying over at a friend's place the previous night. "Are you searching for a potential husband, now that your older one is married and taken care of? No? She wants to wait for a few more years? That's fine and everything, but if you wait too long, it will be too late to have children."
The entire conversation was taking place right in front of me, as if I was simply furniture in the background. This self-righteous, presumptuous preacher of an uncle insisted that I not only get married, but that I do it soon because if not, it will be too late to have children. "She is 26 already!"
And he hopes that one of the receptions for my wedding (because there will have to be at least two, of course) will be held in Kerala so that his family, and many of our other relatives, will be able to attend.
It was crystal clear that he had absolutely no concern for what I wanted from my life. It's of no concern to him that I have always refused to agree to an arranged marriage. That I don't care about getting married "late in life" because I don't want to have kids anyway. And most importantly, that I fully intend to stay on this track for as long as I feel this way. No, he simply went on about "today's generation" and how they must learn quickly... or else.
I was obviously quite irritated, and only a little amused. But my mother's presence reminded me of my alleged obligation to treat him with at least respect, if nothing else.
For a few minutes, I seethed as I listened to him chew Ma's ear off. He wasn't talking to me, of course. I didn't need to be spoken to, since this decision about my own future wasn't mine to be made. In the minutes I took to put away the dishes and clear the table, I calmed down. I decided I would blog about this to document the experience. And then, once this post was done, I would move on to other things more worthy of my time during a precious weekend.
Which is exactly what I did. First, a long, luxurious bath. Then a little music, followed by sleep. See, unfortunately, as is typical of my dangerously independent ways, I had had a lot of fun last night with a big gang of friends. It involved quite a bit of alcohol and and not enough sleep. So I slept. And didn't think about anything else, too busy living a happy life to be concerned about others' concerns.
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