I've been trying to write, I really have. I observe every day, and I want to share. I feel love and joy at a level of intensity that continues to amaze me, and I want to be self-consciously eloquent about it. I feel fear and panic during new experiences, about wading through waters that feel much deeper than they really are, and I want to share, for the relief of catharsis. But I'm unable to put pen to paper; to place fingers on keys. Lately, whenever I have felt like writing, you have taken over and occupied my entire mind.

It's quite frustrating, really. I think I've made progress, which I actually have, in many healthy ways. But when I peel off the layers and examine the wound, I see it's still a little pink, exposing itself to you and your absence, your presence. I want to ignore it so that it can scab over in its own time and protect my skin. But as always, time moves as slowly as I wish it wouldn't.

And so I try, which, it seems, is all I can do. And I hope that eventually, you'll leave.

"At the end of thy hundredth winter, the sun is more unseen and more spotted; the year, month, and day are shorter; and the earth is more barren; and the crop will not yield the seed. And men become more deceitful and more given to vile practices. They will have no gratitude. Honourable wealth will proceed to those of perverted faith. And a dark cloud makes the whole sky night, and it will rain more noxious creatures than water."

-From the Bahman Yasht.

Words cannot express.

Home and Away

I'm going back to Muscat in November. It's a family holiday that we have planned for two whole years. We'll be returning to our childhood home for the first time since we left in 1999. We're all so unbelievably excited, we can hardly sit still. It's almost only a month away!

We'll be there for three weeks. I hope it's a happy three weeks. We've received unwelcome pieces of news recently: one of our favourite beaches is now accessible only to the guests of the resort it lies next to, and blocking the entrance to the beach is a tall Starbucks building; the wadi we used to go to every other weekend is now almost dried up, probably because of global warming and the rising heat. And these little pieces of news remind us that our former home will not, obviously, be the same as it used to be 13 years ago.

Nevertheless, our excitement is almost unbearable. Muscat was all I knew until we uprooted ourselves and went through quite the culture shock in Kerala. We now have a new home in Bangalore, and right here and right now, I would rather be nowhere but here. But Muscat still calls.

What are the associations you make when you think of the Middle East? You may think of conservative Muslims, covered from head to toe in burkhas. You may think of Dubai, with all of its excess and decadence. Now, Oman? This kingdom walks the rare middle path. Yes, it is Muslim and Middle Eastern, but not conservatively so. That has a lot to do with the large expatriate community there, which includes nationalities from all over the world.
And in terms of how it fares as a holiday/tourist destination, Oman is not for the people who gravitate towards Dubai. Oman is usually thought of as a sleepy place. We don't have shopping festivals like Dubai, nothing overly commercial. But what we have is natural beauty. The beaches. Oh, the beaches. Pristine blue waters and gorgeous sands.

Oman has a lot of historical beauty as well. I remember many weekends spent exploring old forts and souqs, built with care and precision enough to last hundreds of years without needing any renovation. I remember getting up to the highest lookout tower of one fort and standing by the ancient cannon it housed, unable to tear my eyes away from the tree tops of hundreds and hundreds of greenish-brown date palms.

Absence and the yearning to return have probably romanticized my memories of the place and the time we spent there. But now, as an adult, I have even more love for the city. It welcomed me with open arms and granted me a wonderful childhood.

I cannot wait to go back there and explore once again. :)